It’s been one of those months that’s felt like a year. It’s also been a semester that’s felt like the blink of an eye. How does that happen?
There are plenty of words I could use to describe this month. In the spirit of staying positive however, I think I’ll chalk it up to being a period of immense personal growth. I’ve always had a thing for change and the growth that it brings. I think I thrive on newness, the uncomfortable feelings that come of being thrown into adventures and taking them on head first. But the caveat about this part of myself, I’ve come to discover, is that I only thrive on change that I control. I like moving to new cities, signing a lease on a new apartment every other year, getting new jobs, taking on new responsibilities. All of this, being big life changes that I directly control. But when I’m thrown into change that I’m forced to accept, things that I don’t see coming or can’t sign off on, it throws me a little. I’ve had to learn to love the terrifying kind of change lately, the kind that makes you question everything about where you’ve come from and where you’re going, because otherwise I think it would eat me alive.
So here I am, halfway through 20, sitting on my couch and thinking about money and my grades and how in the hell I’m going to make it to 21 with the hand that I’ve been dealt lately. I don’t know how to do this.
But I know that I’m here today. I know that change is the only thing that will ever be guaranteed in this life. Things will always evolve, and we must go with them. I know that I have a strong spirit, a weird sense of purpose and a knack for making my days fun. I’m getting through this weird, transient phase in my life one day at a time, and if it means I find myself unable to sit down and blog every week, or if it means that I’m a little distant with anyone but myself, that’s okay. It has to be okay. This is who I am, today, and that’s all I can give.
Cheers to change, growth, and moving forward. To everyone in school and about to begin finals, and everyone struggling with rent and thinking about the bills for the holiday season, and anyone who doesn’t quite have it all together, I’m thinking of you. We’re human, life isn’t easy, but it’s a blessing. Enjoy it for what it is, the peaks and valleys, and smile anyway.
One of my favourite videos for those what the hell am I doing with my life days, Jenna Marbles’ 200th on Youtube, gets me through sometimes. Even if you don’t know or like her persona on Youtube, give it a watch. This woman inspires me.